Krampus - Skylar Style
This is a writing prompt in response to RanchHandAgency on Medium/Twitter.
The legends of Krampus are wrong; I’m not the terror that comes after children. I am the conscious takes those naughty adults — the ones whose thoughts drift to the nether regions and harbor pornographic tendencies. Christmas is my busiest time of year, the stress of my brother, Saint Nick, pulling on society. You read that right; we’re cut from the same cloth — two sides of a coin. One is for children; one is for adults.
So beware, my naughty friends, for you too may suffer the fate of Krampus. Oh, and I forgot the most important fact history got wrong.
I’m a woman …
I’d watched him for months now, this naughty man who transgressed over the year. He got in with the wrong crowd, and I loved it. He followed his buddies down the rabbit hole of desire, and now, he was mine for the taking.
I loved men, especially men in their mid-thirties. They had the experience to know better and the experience to be good at the things they did. But they didn’t lack the stamina. He had no idea who I was. I had infiltrated his life as a friend. But isn’t that what all demons pretended to be, someone else?
Marty had this air around him. He was mysterious and secretive. But his humor always shone through. He partnered up with his buddy Ranch, whom I also befriended. Together, they took sinister ideas and planted them into unknowing men’s minds.
On the surface, you would think that is good for me. It is. But that’s where my job duties were triggered. I had to punish them now … and punish them good.
I learned of their likes and dislikes. And the day was approaching. Legend had it. I came out on December 5th, but that wasn’t true. That was my brother’s birthday. I was activated on mine on December 14th.
And now, it’s my birthday, my Krampus Day, and Marty Chapin &
will soon learn their fate for slipping into the lives of Erotic Writers.“Welcome to Ranch Hand Agency; how can I help you,” a bubbly blonde woman said to me as I approached her desk.
“I’m looking for the Boss.”
“Sorry,
isn’t in right now.”I shook my head, “Not her, your boss.” I tapped my foot, waiting for this blonde woman to get with the picture.
“Oh, Ranch, does he know you’re coming?”
“I do now,” I heard a deep voice from around the corner say. “Hey Skylar, come on back.”
I followed Ranch through his halls, and when he opened his office door, I could smell the reek of success dripping from the walls. It turned me on seeing how much he had earned from his erotic agency. It was a catch-22; his naughty success fueled me and turned me on, but it also meant his destruction.
“Ranch, it is time to collect on your debt.” I walked towards him and trapped him against the wall.
“What has gotten into you, Skylar?” He moved around me and went towards his desk.
I reached out my hand and grabbed his arm, pulling him to me. “I said it’s time to collect on your debt.” My horns emerged from my skull, the nails on my hands elongated and sharp teeth formed in my mouth.
“What the fuck are you?” Ranch started to pull away, but my grip tightened, and my nails started digging into his skin.
“I’m your worst fucking nightmare; call me Krampus.” With a bit of holiday magic, I whisked us away to the dungeon. “I’ll be back, secure him.”
I pushed him into a cell with other fools who were to be tortured. “Don’t worry, you will be in good company; Logan & Alexander are there too.”
With that, I was off in search of the most bad boy of them all, Marty.
I stood at his apartment door; this one was harder than the other. He had weaseled his way into my feelings, and now I had to betray him. My father had warned me that over time, this may happen, But who ever listened to Father Time? Not me. And now, I had to face my own demons.
I knocked on the door and heard movement inside. When he opened the door, his smile started to melt me.
“Sky, hey!” he pulled me in for a hug.
“Marty, we need to talk.”
He shut the door behind me. “Oh no, what did I do? Did I upset Sunny by forcing you two to go to another zombie convention?”
I laughed, “If it was only that simple. I have a confession.” I sat him down on the couch and looked at him, “You know how you have this thing for the 18-year-olds, and you write about them?”
“I told you, it’s just a gimmick,” he chuckled, “one I do very well at writing.”
“It’s time to face the consequences of this rabbit hole you went down.”
Slowly, my horns reappeared, my teeth and nails changed, I transformed, and his eyes widened. “Skylar …”
“Actually, my name is Krampus, and I’m here to collect my debt.”
Marty shot up from the couch and started to move away, but like Ranch, I wasn’t so easily escapable. “I’m sorry.” I latched on and whisked him away to the dungeon.
“Where are we,” he pulled and fought at my grasp.
“Here I am, the Dungeon Master, and you are all going to pay for your naughty behavior. Don’t worry, it lasts 24 hours. But tonight, you are all mine.”
I pushed Marty into the cell with his friends. My naughty elves had already strapped the others down.
Marty acknowledged his friends with a sorrowful look and said, “Skylar, why are you doing this to us?”
“It isn’t Skylar; it’s not a she,” Alexander said.
“Oh, it’s alright,” Logan touted. “Just look at her movements. Men or it’s don’t move like that.”
Ranch fought against his chains, “Do you think this means Sunny is a fucking monster too?”
“He always was quick, wasn’t he,” Sunny said as she appeared next to me.
“I mean,
called it; we said we did witchcraft.”We looked at him, and Alex was grinning; I think part of him would enjoy the evil torture.
“Okay, boys, it’s time for our fun; ladies, come in.” I clapped my hands, and the lights changed; each man had a spotlight on them.
The first 18-year-old was a blonde with no curves; she picked up the chalkboard and walked over to Alexander, “You must be the nice man Krampus told us about.” She smiled at him and started writing. The screeching of the chalk was horrid, but we all had to pay a price tonight.
The second woman, a brunette with nice size breasts and no ass, walked up to Logan Black; she had a copy of all his college papers he wrote in school in her hand. She grinned at him, “I hear Oxford commas are your thing.”
He turned to me, and I winked, “Oh, get ready,” I said.
The third girl, a woman who looked exactly like Leonora, walked up; she held a basket of peas in her hand. She set the basket down between Ranch and Marty, “Which one do I get?”
It was my turn to grin, “Ranch, you get him.”
Last was an older woman, closer to 87, with red hair and creamy white skin. She stood looking down at Marty, “This is the one who likes them young?”
I laughed, “Yep.”
“Skylar, what why are you doing this?” Marty pulled at his chains.
“I don’t think they care about us, Dude,” Ranch said to him.
“Somehow, I think this fake Skylar got close to all of us and learned what we can’t handle. Maybe this is a body-snatcher situation.” Logan tried to sound reasonable.
Alexander grinned, “Bring on the torture.”
“You want to bet which one of them cries for help first,” Sunny teased,
“Oh, it's gonna be Ranch. He won’t be able to handle Leonora; she’s the wickedest of us all.”
Sunny moved her head in Alexander's direction. “Is he getting hard?”
“We knew this might happen; he gets off on torture, remember.”
“Next year, we need to use cute little puppies in need of help in order to torture him.” Sunny started looking through her TikTok feed, “Like this one.”
I shook my head, “Too easy; maybe we will make him help old women up and down stairs.”
We both laughed and then watched as the fun unfolded.
We started with Logan; the woman straddled him and held him his freshman English paper, “There are 27 Oxford commas in here; let’s start removing them.”
“Skylar, you know how strongly I believe in the Oxford Comma!”
Sunny and I laughed, “Yep, and you’re WRONG!”
We watched as our naughty elf deleted one by one all 27. The sweat beaded on Logan’s head. I could see in his eyes he was getting worked up, and I couldn’t help the smile plastered on my face.
“Don’t worry, Logan, you have a pretty young lady there to ease your pain.”
“She doesn’t even have an ass, Sky! You know I am an ASS MAN!”
Sunny chuckled, “Yes, our resident proctologist.”
We heard Alexander bark out a laugh, “They got you there, man.”
“You shouldn’t laugh at your friends,” Sunny teased. “You’re up next.”
His flat-chested, flat-assed woman straddled him. His hands were loosened, and he was given the chalk and board, “Write, I am a nice guy, 100 times,” she instructed him.
“No.”
I flicked my wrist, and photos of rainbows and Care Bears popped up around him.
“What the hell?”
“Write,” he was instructed again.
“No,”
Smurfs showed up, and they started to sing their theme song, and then My Little Pony joined in. I started to bring back lots of things from the 80s and 90s childhood themes playing simultaneously.
“Good god, man, just write!” Marty yelled out over the noise.
“Yeah fucking write.” Ranch hollered.
The screeching noise on the chalkboard started, and Alexander wrote his first line, I am a nice guy.”
“Good boy, now just do that 99 more times.”
We moved our focus over to Ranch, who was grinning at
. “You’re not going to hurt me.”“Oh, sweet Ranch, you’re right.” She pulled out a book, “I turned Lily into a book. I’m going to read it to you.”
“That’s not torture, I’m game.” He wiggled on his table and looked like he was getting comfy.
“I am also going to be feeding you undercooked peas.”
“What?” As he opened his mouth, she used her magic to fill it full of hardened peas that you couldn’t easily munch down on. “Now, chapter 1,” she began on his book, Lily’s Field.
This left my favorite of them all, the one I actually felt remorse over. “Marty,” I said.
“Sky, come on …”
The older lady grinned, “Do I need my teeth in or out?” She gave Marty a smile. “See,” and removed her teeth.
“Hey, I’m down for a gummy blow job.” He was always one for a smart-ass response.
“I don’t think you understand; Grandma Krampus, that’s what we call her, is going to line your body up with squishy, moist peas. She is then going to strip and massage them into your skin.”
“No biggie, I got this.”
Sunny laughed, “Fool.”
“While she is doing that, you will be fed the undercooked peas from Leonora as well. You’re getting peas on the outside and peas on the inside.”
“I thought we were friends. Can’t I just get a gummy blowjob?”
We heard Alexander laugh again, “Don’t fight the sisters.”
“He’s right,” Sunny said, “we always win.”
After an hour of fun, watching each of the men we called friends experience their torture, we decided that their transgressions for the year had been forgiven. We snapped our fingers, and they were sent back to their homes with no recollection of what happened here today.
“Do you think we want to keep up our act?” Sunny looked in the mirror and noticed her skin was starting to come off on the side of her forehead.
“Yes, the real Krampus doesn’t exist, so that we can keep this act up for a while.”
“We didn’t suck up enough of their spirits to completely heal our wounds.” Sunny pointed at my ear, which was losing a piece of skin.
“I guess that means we have to find more people to torture.” I pulled out my phone, opened Twitter, and searched.
“We had four guys in their late thirties and early forties; maybe we need older men? Spread it out some.” Sunny had a point; maybe we did.
“Okay, we can go get Sean Geist; what about SoScorpio and Mike? They are readers in this world, after all.”
“Good point, don’t forget Mike P, he is always up for something torturous.”
“Right. Okay, I think this is a good plan.” I closed my phone and noticed more gray in my hair.
“Next year, why don’t we just sacrifice some kids.” Sunny laughed.
“Gods, we’re not the Sanderson Sisters; don’t be crazy.”
“Fine, come on, let’s go get your other writing partner and our readers. Mother Nature and Father Time are waiting for us to return home soon.”
“Don’t be so dramatic; they know we are on a mission.”
Yeah, a mission to overthrow the Gods …
The End.